derelict grander

I'm supposed to be studying. To be dedicating myself to Pythagorus and analytical argument. Give me credit, I have duitully returned to GRE review many times today, yes, with dispirsed breaks in between but only to serve as a reward for previous mental exertion; and all whilst ignoring the clamoring call to write! Routinely, my yearnings for literary exploration consistently occur at the most inconvient of times. Desire, don't you know I have other things more pressing to attend to?

Todays thought? "Am I going crazy?"

"Crazy people don't think they're crazy." I remember hearing a character in a movie say this once. Up until now I thought the sentiment brilliant and quite comforting ; I have often questioned my mental status. But, in fact, that thought is quite illogical. Even now it appears trite and un-weighty! I'm sure that many crazy people are very much aware of their delirium. So maybe I AM crazy.

What brings this to mind you wonder? What has caused my preoccupation with mental instability? To be completely candid, since April I have been wading through the very muddled world of depression. I say "wading" because it very rarely feels like walking. More often than not, like shuffling, knee-deep through muck, and as I have journeyed through my current disposition I have also been experiencing an array of physical ailments that in conjunction with my depression make my day-to-day doings...exhausting. I'll spare you the details, as some are far from appetizing and, might I add, WebMD has been far from helpful. In fact, the only thing I'm sure of now, after months of independent research, is that it has produced innumerable hypochondriacs who believe they suffer from everything to Hypothyroidism to Rheumatoid Arthritis. Perhaps even a mutant disease derived from both! As this has been my experience.

A current thread of thought has interwoven itself into my psyche. That perhaps this despressive state has been of my own doing. My life, truly, hasn't been that horrible. I wasn't sold to a slave trader at twelve, my father didn't burn up in a house fire and my mother didn't leave me. My life, I have thought, has been quite devoid of the tragic, but then my grandfather died and suddenly I found myself crying all the time. Not just about my grandfather but about other things. Past things. Things I committed to forgetting long ago. The accepted occurrences of my past suddenly appeared unacceptable and all that is crazy, yes? Why should the things that have been okay with me for all these years suddenly become not okay? I must be crazy.

However, there is another thought. Perhaps I am not insane but simply, awakened. Awakened to every hurt and injury that I have repressed for so long. That all of me is moving through that pain. Even my bones are aching with the realization. In this option, there is no immediate relief to be found. No pill or prescription. Simply, a process. A process where I am being taken to the end of me, in all of my derelict grander.

So no. Perhaps I'm not crazy. Perhaps, I'm just like everybody else.

Website Launch!

Hello dearest friends and followers,

Today is quite the momentous day.

Today nicholeporrata.com launched!

As some of you may be aware of I am a singer/songwriter/Starbucks barista extraordinaire. The first two you might gather from my website the third I just felt like throwing in there as I do also very much enjoy making drinks for people. Most people. Most people that don't use Starbucks coffee as an identity of self. But anyways, I digress.

I finally have something to show for my summer of recording and photo-shooting and web designing. I'm still kinda bummed that my songs aren't up there yet but my web designer friend is off on retreat for a couple of months and communicating long distance has been very frustrating. Thus, things have gone a lot slower than I had desired. Patience is a virtue, or so I've heard and I've been forced to live within that virtue for the past three months.

As frustrating as this whole process has been I've been assured that this is whole slow-mo, turtl'es pace-ness is normal in this biz and not to worry about it and to be fair, I can't hold a grudge against a process that my own pursuit of excellence has impeded at times. I simply want to present to you all something that I can be proud of and something that you all will enjoy and want to share with your friends. I think that is respectable.

I met with my gal Jordan a couple weeks ago. She is currently working on my myspace music page and design for the album and I'm super stoked about it! The album artwork on the website is more like a formality till she's done putting the concept together. I'm very excited. She's extremely talented.

Hopefully, the album will be on itunes, the songs will be on my website, my myspace page will be finished and the design of the album complete in November. Here's hoping and here's to sooner than later.

Recommendation #7

#7 Bake the Day Away

Though I know it's been a while since we have shared the same bit of cyberspace, my absence marked by various important and momentous events such as the recording of my first e.p., a mental breakdown and my new job at Starbucks, all of which ought to be elaborated upon at a later time my friends. But today! No. Today I am going to be talking about duckies, rubber duckies, rubber ducky cupcakes to be exact!

Tuesday was my day off and I had marvelous plans to drive to Dallas and sample various organic veggies and peruse thrift stores, but of course, Mother Nature had other plans and I was rendered immobile by thunder storms. Though saddened as I was to have not made the trip I had quickly set myself down to recover my day when a thought struck me. Cupcakes! I would spend the my day indoors baking up yummy treats for no particular reason except that I could and I would, and it would be lovely. Is there a better way to spend a rainy day? I think not.

So armed with my umbrella and adorned with comfy sweatpants and slippers I drove to my local Barnes and Nobles to buy a cupcake cookbook. I was thinking my two lone cookbooks, Puerto Rican Cocina and Autumn with the Thornberry's were looking a bit lonely on their shelf and I was lacking inspiration. I drove around the parking lot three or four times trying to find a parking spot because, of course, everyone was at Barnes and Nobles. But finally, I relented and parked so far away that by the time I walked through the doors I was a soggy mess; my rain saturated sweat pants bottoms trailing a yard behind behind me and my eyes glancing from side to side searching for the "Cupcake" sign. Surely a delight that grand had to have it's own section. After trodging through the calenders and Bargain Books I finally found what I was looking for in the isle labeled " Cookbooks," and quickly plopped myself down. Thinking about it now, I can't imagine how ridiculous I looked. There I sat, surrounded by baked good compilations, wet, mascara streaking my normally rosy cheeks, my soaked panted legs streched out in front of me creating a growing puddle. I didn't care. I had hit the Jackpot!

"What's New Cupcake?"

See above.

Not only did the cupcakes in this book looked yummy but they were cute to boot! I had to have it! It didn't take me long to decide that Ruber Duckies was by far the most fitting of the cakes to make since I deemed the current weather suitable only for ducks. I rushed to the checkout, purchased my first ever Cupcake Cookbook and once I had purchased all the ingredients required, I set to making these adorable little duckies.

Step 1) Buy Cupcakes! Okay, to be honest, I could have made the cupcakes but hey! I was strapped for time, as it was already 5 p.m. and I didn't want to be baking till 3 in the morning. Here's a nifty little bit of advice. If you find yourself a little short of the tiempo, no need to panic, simply make your way to your local grocery and pick up some plain cupcakes from their bakery. Just ask the lady or gent behind the displays, they're usually stocked with bulk cupcakes.

Major Step #2) Ice Cupcakes

Major Step# 3) Squish on the donut head

Major Step #4) Ice again

Major Step #5) Freeze

Major Step #6) Melt frosting, die yellow.

Major Step#7) Dip frozen duck into yellow, melted frosting

Major Step #8) kjnffawdjlqndfq

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Okay, you get the picture. I'm sure neither you or I want to sit here and read all these steps. If you really want to know how to make them just buy the book! You won't regret it.

I gotta say, though my duckies weren't going to be winning any Cupcake War competitions they were adorable and although they kind of looked liked a kindergartner made them but I'd say it was an admirable attempt by a novice confectionist. These weren't your garden variety cupcakes; these were molded, and mushed and iced within an inch of their lives and they came out nicely.

I crashed on my couch, starving(!) because when I had been drowning in a sea of creative juices and sugar I had forgotten to eat dinner, oops!

But, I felt accomplished. My freezer a wave of yellow waddlings and my kitchen amassed in bits of dried frosting and vanilla cake crumbs I couldn't have been happier.

Listening to the master of the album. AH! so close folks! :D

Sitting at @Art Six Coffee enjoying a fall inspired latte and listening to the rain hit the window. What a lovely afternoon.

Awesome friends! I know you all know people- Who can give me the names of some people in the music biz who could write up some press for me?? :) in North Texas and elsewhere??

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